I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
