Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
