I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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