Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
