if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
