I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
