nut hugger
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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