Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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