He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They took my balls.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
