Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
