I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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