i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
