Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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