You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
