After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
