You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im six kinds of drunk right now
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
