just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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