I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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