...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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