I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You are a genius and a whore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
