Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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