dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
