No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
