I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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