I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
True strength comes from lack of pants
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
