Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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