HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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