so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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