Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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