I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
