jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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