I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
id be glad to
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
