tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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