Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
