bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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