one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
