I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
