We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
