I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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