She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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