Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
