I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
