Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
