I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
