dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
