so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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