we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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