i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We are all done wearing pants today
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
