if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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