you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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