Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
