Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
