my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
