Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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