I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
