Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
