She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
