About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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