just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Randomize
