we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
