Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was CRYING into my vagina
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
