Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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