Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
