I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
