coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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